Ignite 4 Him!

sigh.. just finished Absolute Boyfriend. (finally)
i dont like the ending. Not becoz of what happened to night though, but that a robot became more important than a man. Never. that's absurb. sigh... this show just goes to show the difference between reel and real. Maybe i'm not human after all... i dint shed a tear. the way night 'disappeared' out of her life was good. but never a robot before a human. never. never. sigh. night was good but to live in denial is not. but who knows, maybe i see myself too much in that girl too. maybe it's becoz i think how Riiko started with guys may be likewise what may happen to me, becoz like her i'm too serious at times. And knowing myself now, i may choose the safer known road, although that's self-denial, than choose the right road.

Night's case wont happen in real life, and not to me. But you never know how such a concept may already be dwelling in our midst. But... who will really understand what i mean when they know none or little or partial of what i'm going through? I have my ideal boyfriend already actually, but i chose to push him aside instead. If i cant accept myself, neither friendships nor relationships will work out. I know this is a prob, and my ideal boyfriend promised to be with me and promised to walk with me through it and promised that together we will get it solved. But instead, i have rejected that offer. If even my ideal boyfriend is not enough for me, how much more will i struggle with friendships and relationships?

I'm a fool. It's just a darn movie, but somehow God's speaking to me through it? i dunno. This show.. it's nice. i loved it initially, but at the end, looking at so much fantasy, reality instead smacked me in the face. No one is perfect. If i reject the only perfect being ever existed, how much more the imperfect people around me.

I'm a fool.

"i lost."
"No Riiko, you did your best."
"But, it's still painful."
"It's fine. Let's keep trying."

but i'm sorry... unlike riiko i dont have a visible night, and my own knight i have rejected... things aint gonna go right with this rejection... i'm a big big fool...