Penning my Thots!

Today NTV and Ice Cream Party ... Yea! fun! Church is so exciting, how can anyone think that church is boring and kills fun?!

Anyway NTV was kinda special. It was unlike any service that I have ever been to. It was just so different (but not 100% different either). Though sadly there were very few dedications being made. I expected quite some time of song dedications coz they ask us youths to go make dedications... and knowing this group of spontaneous and enthusiastic lively group, there would probably be an over whelming response. Coz i kinda like listening to dedications coz i never really heard bout such thing except in passion! Min. It's nice to hear encouragements given by sincere ppl. Guess i'll never have the guts. I'm not that type of ppl to participate so actively... which comes to the point that i am having difficult understanding myself, which I would talk about some other time.

Ice Cream Party was during cell. No, i should say... it was cell =D Anyway, we had Swenson's ice cream and games. The ice cream though seems little at first, turned out to be too much to finish and we shared it with our other church buddies. Then came Games aka 'Gel'. haha... quite fun, though my friend disagreed with me. Had a great deal number of laughs. Anyway, it was totally FUN!!!

We were supposed to invite our friends to join in the fun, but none of my friends came. I didnt asked many anyway. But there were other cell members that brought their friends. Like 'Mr A' brought 3 new friends to join us.

But there was 1 sad thing that i've noticed, and I realised that this is our cell's weakness. No one went up to the 3 new friends and talked to them or welcomed them. Not even the close pals of 'Mr A' from cell. I noticed that they just sat by themselves when eating ice cream, no one came to them, not even the guys. They didnt want to join in the games too coz they probably felt uncomfortable. The guys in cell should approached them and make them feel welcomed, make friends with them. That should be the way.

However, I realised that ppl in my cell tends to keep in small groups ( maybe unconsciously) and seldom pull more ppl in their group. They are comfortable with ppl in their clicks and thus many ppl get left out. That is why quite a number of people have left cell (in the sense that they stopped coming). They felt left out and lonely. I used to feel that way too and would find any excuse to avoid cell, but my mom forced me to go. Only much much later, recently, then i looked forward to cell. Dont really know why either.

In talks with my cousin, she learned that I was not closed to my cell and was shocked. It was more than 1 year, yet I couldnt tell my cousin all their names. Now i think i can =) She less than 1 year and was already very very very very extremely close with all her cell mates. Back to the point. It is not that I dont want to be close with my cell ppl, but i find it hard to. Sighh... ... they are all very very nice people. It's just that no one is perfect and this simply is their weakness. Our cell needs more unity and looking out for each other, especially those not in their clicks.

I'm saying but others, what about myself?! Guess I fall in the category that I dont know what to do, and i dont bother/cant do anything.. I really wanted to go out and welcome the new friends. but today those were guys, so it is not so appropriate. Even if there were girls, I might also find it hard to talk to them. But i do know that there are some ppl in cell that do feel left out. That is why they probably dont want to come anymore for cell.

I know of this friend from cell, another 'Ms J' (seems i have a lot of friends name starting with J). Anyway, it has been ages since she last came for cell and she doesnt go for youth service anymore but attend adult service. Reason being she felt lonely and left out. She used to have a friend who would go with her to cell and service but (if i'm not mistaken) due to CCA on Saturdays that friend couldnt come. Thus 'Ms J' stopped coming for more than 6 months already. I'm probably the next closest to her in cell but when i asked her to come she wasnt interested. Maybe she doesn like me... ... ... ...

Sigh... ... ... ...
As i'm writing this, i'm feeling tired, "sian", grumpy... Dont know why i'm still writing this. Probably coz i'm not in a good mood to sleep. Just trying to get rid of my grumpiness. Anyway, i'm ending now. Some how, i'm still puzzling over my attitude my behavior which I would talked about some what soon.