i'm unsure why but after dinner, i realised my heart was heavy, kinda. just feeling a little down and out. no real particular, reason. it's not particularly school, nor dinner, nor cell, nor anything particular in that matter.
But i thank God that even in this Maundy Thurday night, i could push aside all negative feelings and worship the Lord. The burden that weighed upon my heart for quite some time liao came again tonight. The unknown/unidentified burden that had weighed me at church services, SP empowerments, and even at LCEs & at SP d.r.a.w.! camp, that hinders me from drawing nearer and closer in the Lord, several times this year, in the past 2 months or so.
Mainly becoz of it, and the lethargicness i felt today (for whatever reasons... unknown to me; suspect its the long term emotional weariness?) i just knelt and worshipped Him. Tonight, i was super reminded of myself last year, struggling and stuffs. And i'm reminded how real His love and grace and hope was for me, which he re-gave them back to me when i came back to Him. If it wasnt for His death that brought about some redemption, if it wasnt for his pursuing love that never fails and waits to fill, if it wasnt for the hope He has given me in this then bleak lonely world, where will i really be now? Will last year's problems/scenario really drag?? haha. these reminders of how God rescued me and His love for me came several times this evening.
Indeed,
"On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand."
yes Lord, last year when i wasnt standing on you, my solid rock... i felt like i was in the quicksand. (i wrote about this before)
I was reminded of the significance of the cross, the significance of the death, the significance of easter that i celebrate yearly, such that i told God today, "remind me and fill me with awe of what you have done on calvary" and indeed He did. I felt slightly overwhelm for that love, grace, and hope that came with his death, the redeeming power that came with the cross, and how that has rescued me from my situations. Without all these, my life will probably be like living hell, with no one to turn to, with no one to rescue me, with no hope even to live. For Jesus is my purpose in life, without Him, i'm nothing. this is not just a statement i'm declaring over my life and living to follow, but it's something i came to realise of myself as i struggled through life, especially in the depths last year when i kinda tried to push Him out of my life.
An extract from my thank-you God journal for today:
"Lord, i'm really grateful for Your love that reached out, for Your grace that protects, for Your hope that comforts, which You offered me, even when i'm away from You last year. Where will i be now without you, i raelly don't know. All i know is I wanna say a big THANK YOU for Your redeeming power that rescued me from the depths last year."
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Lead Me to Calvary
King of my life, I crown Thee now,
Thine shall the glory be;
Lest I forget Thy thorn crowned brow,
Lead me to Calvary.
chorus:
Lest I forget Gethsemane,
Lest I forget Thine agony;
Lest I forget Thy love for me,
Lead me to Calvary.
Show me the tomb where Thou wast laid,
Tenderly mourned and wept;
Angels in robes of light arrayed
Guarded Thee whilst Thou slept.
chorus
Let me like Mary, through the gloom,
Come with a gift to Thee;
Show to me now the empty tomb,
Lead me to Calvary.
chorus
May I be willing, Lord, to bear
Daily my cross for Thee;
Even Thy cup of grief to share,
Thou hast borne all for me.
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It's the Power of Your Presence
There is a peace
There is a rest
That settles here
In your presence
When your face is very near
Your love erases every fear
It's the power of your presence
It's the strength of your hand in mine
It's the glory of your greatness
That has the power to change my life
Thank you Lord for the power of your presence; for the peace and rest i can find in your presence no matter what i'm going through, no matter how i'm feeling at the moment; for your strength as you hold my hand and lead me; but most importatnly for the glory of your greatness that just overwhelms me and changed my life so impactfully. I will never forget such love you have that you extended all these for me.
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