Today's verse

‎"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ... For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." ~Matthew 11: 28,30

Let Go

came across one of the "to keep" private blog posts I had, talking about letting go of No. 2 last year. I sos smsed (back then) sis Gwen as I struggled to let go of him. I like her reply. This is what she said, "Let go by first understanding God will, heart for you. Let go by first knowing that God will take care of you.. And then let go knowing that practically n realitically there is no pt for u to keep holding on.. "

So I did a reflection back then on her words, and this was my reflection:

Let go by first understanding God's will and heart for me
God's will and heart for me: He wants to give me nothing but the best; He wants me to live for Him and not for myself, becoz He knows that when i live for Him, i gain satisfaction, but when i live for myself, though i may gain pleasure, deep down I'm not satisfied within and there's still emptiness.
Let go by first knowing that God will take care of me
He knows what i want, He knows what I need. He will provide. He's the Jehovah Jireh. I just have to trust and rely on Him. And as i trust and rely on Him, I will let myself be complete and one with Him, before i am truly ready to meet the guy, the partner God has specially chosen for me, so we may complement each other. He knows the guy who is perfect for me, i dun even know what kind of guy is; the guy who is not perfect, but perfect for me... for God knows me inside out, and He knows what I want and what I need especially.
Let go knowing that practically and realistically there is no point for me holding on
True, something i know deep down since the very beginning, even before tredding this path. To let go of what is not meant for me, and to trust and rely on God, that some day, though the wait be long and uncertain, that there will come this wonderful guy which God has in mind for me, who will give me such wonderful experiences and memories, far greater and better than any i have experienced with **No. 2**. not just affection, but true love from deep down within. To not hold on in lack of faith, fearing the unknown future, and having such zero confidence that i will ever experience and taste again such sweet experiences becoz no one will see me; but to know that i am beautiful in the eyes of God, and i am an attractive daughter of God, which one day will attract the right guy whom God intends for me to have a wonderful future with.

Lord, remind me again. Remind me again I pray, and strengthen my heart and my resolve. Turn my heart back to you. Help me with No. 3. Let me be Yours and wait for your perfect gift. Help me to surrender myself.

"Every long lost dream, led me to where You are. Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars; pointing me on my way, into Your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road and lead me straight to You."

With An Everlasting Love

http://ignite4him.livejournal.com/94204.html

I came across this, it broke my heart. How could I have lost sight of such great love for smth that I knew was temporal?! This quote is from a book, where I was told to insert my name in the front. It matches beautifully with the song in the previous post.

Bless the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts

Was listening to this song as I was travelling today. It reminded me of how I made it my response to my Lover some time back. As it was to me then, it is my heart's song/cry/message once again. So I searched it in my blog, and sing it, meaning what this song mean to me below, in 2010.

Lead me back straight to You my Lover, I pray. I don't want to wander about any more. Bring me back to Your arms and help me stop searching and yearning anymore.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED TO PLAY THE SONG AND LISTEN TO IT AS YOU READ THE BOTTOM.. TAT WAY YOU'LL THEN GRASP IT. (click the youtube link for music.. listen and read wat this song means to me, if you're interested.)



I've set out on the narrow way, the straight and narrow way (Matthew 7:14), since young. And for long, i hope to find true love, along the broken road of my life. But sometimes i got lost, and went off the road, straying from Your love and your way. But I kept pushing through life and the challenges they throw at me. I could not see how everything, were signs that were pointing to You, to Your love, to Your grace, to Your strength, to Your embrace...

Every long lost dream I have, every disappointments I faced, led me to where You are, seeking Your comfort and Your presence. Others who broke my heart - the friends i've lost, the heartaches I went through, the crushes I had, the emotions i've invested, the hurts I incurred from my loved ones - they were like northern stars; for they pointed me on my way, into Your loving arms, as many a times I cry to you in tears and prayers. This much I know is very true, that God bless the broken road of my life, the setbacks, disappointments, failures, the ups & downs, and pointed me straight to You, my Lover, my Yeshua.

I think back about the years I've spent, especially the past 2 years in JC, just passing through, just trying to breeze through and get it over with, living for the sake of living, without a sense of purpose and joy. Now, looking back, I wished i could turn time back and live that two years I wasted for You, to give it to You. But You just smiled and take my hand, reassuring me that it is alright; You've been through hardships before some 2000years ago, and You understand the trials I went through. You reassure me telling me that, "It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true…”

Every long lost dream I have, every disappointments I faced, led me to where You are, seeking Your comfort and Your presence. Others who broke my heart - the friends i've lost, the heartaches I went through, the crushes I had, the emotions i've invested, the hurts I incurred from my loved ones - they were like northern stars; for they pointed me on my way, into Your loving arms, as many a times I cry to You in tears and prayers. This much I know is very true, that God bless the broken road of my life, the setbacks, disappointments, failures, the ups & downs, and pointed me straight to You, my Lover, my Yeshua.

Now, I’m just rolling home, having found my sense of worth and direction again, into my Lover’s arms, Your arms of love. This much I know is true, that God has indeed blessed the broken road of my life, my brokenness, my failures and inadequacies, and the different setbacks and situations of my life, and in every valley of my life, lead me back, back straight to You, to Your love where I belong.

-- posted on blog 24th Feb 2010 --

Guard thy heart

I finally understand what it means to guard my heart. It doesn't mean to guard my heart against someone, but rather to make sure that NO ONE takes over the place of God in my heart.

Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion

Lord, looking back, this song is all I need to know and proclaim; a reminder of all that has happened in life, and who I am. The present's situations, worries, problems are small compared to the fact that "I'm everything I am because you loved me."
You gave me faith becoz you believe, believe in me; I have faith that whatever that happens You are in control, becoz you loved me.



You were my strength when I was weak; You were my voice when I couldn't speak; You were my eyes when I couldn't see; You saw the best there was in me...

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I've found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through it all

I was blessed because I was love by You. ^.^

On this Day in 2010 ... 4th Sept

every sat evening is a date out with my Lover, a specially set aside time with Him... as if there was only the two of us, though in the midst of many. || sings, "One moment with the King, changes everything..." and as I sang, i saw and felt as if I was dancing with my King, my Lover, my Love.. in His embrace, dancing with Him.. just like how i've always longed to dance... it was so real.. what bliss-ness. :)

· September 5, 2010 at 1:19am

An angel sent

wow. dint expect my cry for God to send His angels really led to me receiving help today to regain my aligned perspective back again. I hate being unaligned and struggling in those challenges and situations. Never did i expect help to really come, from a totally unexpected source too. Not any of the usual sources, but from a sister whom i know personally, very easy to talk to cheerful person, my last year church camp room buddy. :)

Yup. Help came from me just randomly commenting on her sms nick, of which i just *shrugs-at-the-turn-of-events* happen to share wif her a little, and then she picked up on it and asked my number to give me a call to talk more about it. I hesistated. seriously. Devil definitely dint want me to receive any help at all. *duh!* And first time when such help arrive at such timing, I really hesistated and took some time to think about it. In the end, I decided to give it a go. (after all i've never turned down a sincere initiative)

So, she called and we talked an an hour and half approx. and i really thank God for that. I smsed her later: "Thank u for ur time,ur listening ear,ur sharing,ur opinion n ur prayer.Guess that helps put the devil words away,n God's perspective back again. :) good night."

One thing she said to me as we were ending our convo was, "Dont worry about burdening people when you call. Sometimes, it's good for the other person too. They might need it."

Indeed God is faithful. Every time i struggle real hard, He'll send someone (an 'angel') to help me. When I feel lost, discouraged, disheartened, down and out, really emo-ed, He'll send someone along to listen to me, give me opinions, comfort me, encourage me or even pray for me.

It brings me back to 1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

There have seemed to be a cycle. A very hard pruning challenge/situation that gets me all emotional. That's the test/temptation that helps me mould my character in Him. However, when it becomes overwhelming for me and I cant take it/cant trust God and wanna go crazy, He never fails to send help/encouragement/comfort. Same today. Indeed, He will NEVER let me be tempted beyond what I can bear. He'll give me the chance to immediately trust in Him, to try to overcome it. But when I have more or less given up and call to Him for help, He never fails to send someone to my rescue on His behalf.

thank you sY. thanks a lot! God bless ur soul.

Professor VS student

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
Student: (Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?
Student: (Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?
Student: (Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No , sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't. (The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold.
We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something.
You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it?
In reality, darkness isn't exist. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God.
You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor.
Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
Prof: (The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir?
Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
Prof: (The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
Prof: (The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

Prof: (The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

It's time to wake up!

today had a much interesting twist in the turn out of events, which surprised myself. in the morning there was a very short time of running and hiding. then surrending to God again, and being able to move on. then something triggered another very short time of running and hiding by myself. then surrendering to God again and moving on, having a good time of lunch fellowship and afternoon activity.

the afternoon's meeting ended really well. i'm nuts enough to sign up and be in a BIG production in late june, especially since i got drama night in Mid-may and mid-years right after the june production.
But even as i'm introduced to this new commitment of mine instead of getting frantic, i felt a kinda calmness and surprisingly a new sense of determination arising within me. It was like a wake up call. A wake up call that is saying, "Rachel, WAKE UP! You gotta stop moving and dwelling on what is unneccessary. Stop wasting time. You need to get serious and not waste time letting emotions tie you down. But grab hold of it, especially with the many commitments you know have. It's time to get a hold of your life."

Despite this new-arisen determination, i know this matter i'm struggling with is far from being resolved. I sense God really want me to address this issue. It's not just going to be a "Lord i surrender to you my emotions. Help me not to get affected. Help me to trust in you.", but it's going to be a total cut off. A real permanent freedom, not a temporal one. There will be practical steps to take, not just spiritual surrendering, which i did last year in SURGE and saw the chains of loneliness and acceptance being broken, but this year had unconsciously tied itself around me again.

I sense this emphasis and its magnitude is God's way of telling me He wants me to address this issue, not shun away from it, not try to ignore it and numb myself from it, but to totally surrender to Him and even take practical steps. like i smsed someone who's praying for me: "pray that i will receive practical help or revelation soon. coz i can push aside these feelings and avoid dwelling on it, numbing myself, but the issue will still be left unsettled."And i know that numbing myself will most likely lead to a worse consequence, and when the issue hits me again, it'll be many more times worse. But for now, while i'm waiting for God's help/revelation, i shall resist it and not let it tie me down and ruin my entire day/week.

i know it'll be hard for non-believer friends who read this to comprehend, but well, the God i worship is an EXTRAORDINARY GOD! who doesn EXTRAORDINARY THINGS, which you'll only understand if you've personally experienced it yourself. I wish i can share my experiences with you, but some things can share but you will never understand until you've experienced it for yourself.

Maundy Thursday

i'm unsure why but after dinner, i realised my heart was heavy, kinda. just feeling a little down and out. no real particular, reason. it's not particularly school, nor dinner, nor cell, nor anything particular in that matter.

But i thank God that even in this Maundy Thurday night, i could push aside all negative feelings and worship the Lord. The burden that weighed upon my heart for quite some time liao came again tonight. The unknown/unidentified burden that had weighed me at church services, SP empowerments, and even at LCEs & at SP d.r.a.w.! camp, that hinders me from drawing nearer and closer in the Lord, several times this year, in the past 2 months or so.

Mainly becoz of it, and the lethargicness i felt today (for whatever reasons... unknown to me; suspect its the long term emotional weariness?) i just knelt and worshipped Him. Tonight, i was super reminded of myself last year, struggling and stuffs. And i'm reminded how real His love and grace and hope was for me, which he re-gave them back to me when i came back to Him. If it wasnt for His death that brought about some redemption, if it wasnt for his pursuing love that never fails and waits to fill, if it wasnt for the hope He has given me in this then bleak lonely world, where will i really be now? Will last year's problems/scenario really drag?? haha. these reminders of how God rescued me and His love for me came several times this evening.

Indeed,
"On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand."

yes Lord, last year when i wasnt standing on you, my solid rock... i felt like i was in the quicksand. (i wrote about this before)

I was reminded of the significance of the cross, the significance of the death, the significance of easter that i celebrate yearly, such that i told God today, "remind me and fill me with awe of what you have done on calvary" and indeed He did. I felt slightly overwhelm for that love, grace, and hope that came with his death, the redeeming power that came with the cross, and how that has rescued me from my situations. Without all these, my life will probably be like living hell, with no one to turn to, with no one to rescue me, with no hope even to live. For Jesus is my purpose in life, without Him, i'm nothing. this is not just a statement i'm declaring over my life and living to follow, but it's something i came to realise of myself as i struggled through life, especially in the depths last year when i kinda tried to push Him out of my life.

An extract from my thank-you God journal for today:
"Lord, i'm really grateful for Your love that reached out, for Your grace that protects, for Your hope that comforts, which You offered me, even when i'm away from You last year. Where will i be now without you, i raelly don't know. All i know is I wanna say a big THANK YOU for Your redeeming power that rescued me from the depths last year."

-------------------------------------------------
Lead Me to Calvary

King of my life, I crown Thee now,
Thine shall the glory be;
Lest I forget Thy thorn crowned brow,
Lead me to Calvary.

chorus:
Lest I forget Gethsemane,
Lest I forget Thine agony;
Lest I forget Thy love for me,
Lead me to Calvary.

Show me the tomb where Thou wast laid,
Tenderly mourned and wept;
Angels in robes of light arrayed
Guarded Thee whilst Thou slept.

chorus

Let me like Mary, through the gloom,
Come with a gift to Thee;
Show to me now the empty tomb,
Lead me to Calvary.

chorus

May I be willing, Lord, to bear
Daily my cross for Thee;
Even Thy cup of grief to share,
Thou hast borne all for me.

------------------------------------------------
It's the Power of Your Presence

There is a peace
There is a rest
That settles here
In your presence

When your face is very near
Your love erases every fear

It's the power of your presence
It's the strength of your hand in mine
It's the glory of your greatness
That has the power to change my life

Thank you Lord for the power of your presence; for the peace and rest i can find in your presence no matter what i'm going through, no matter how i'm feeling at the moment; for your strength as you hold my hand and lead me; but most importatnly for the glory of your greatness that just overwhelms me and changed my life so impactfully. I will never forget such love you have that you extended all these for me.

I'm counting on God

Interesting day today.
a 'snippet' from my 'Thank You God journal' (just freshly written):
NAPFA today. Thank U Lord tat i did quite well for 5 items... Thank U Lord for light-hearted lunch with lin & u helped me accept the fact i'm really acting in Drama Night despiteme not believing in myself. MOST IMPORTANTLY, i praise you Lord for your 'scolding' through a timely reminder from 'vin. "pray, pray, pray but dont believe. pray already stil sad. must have joy of the Lord!!" Indeed Lord as i'm counting on You, may joy unspeakable fill me and lift me up. Thank U Lord for resting your joy and peavce in my heart once again; that i can face you again.

Last night was really really extremely troubled about how a certain thing turned out, such that i could not accept it at all though i knew that there was nothing i could do. i know i should be trusting God. i prayed, so i should trust God. but last night, i simply couldnt. i know i should accept and trust God's plans, but i couldnt. Today i could hardly talk to God. i could just think about what happened and on my way to school for NAPFA, tears welled in my eyes. My heart was heavy and i was just trying to numb myself from everything, kinda. Even after lunch while walking from AMK hub to home, i did not feel a thing. i walked but did not even feel anything while walking. i couldnt communicate with God, i dint listen to worship songs. i just walked, quite numbly.

Late afternoon, 'vin asked me to call him. He ended up pointing out something tat seems to be getting quite common in my cell. Yes, we ask each other to pray and stuffs; we share. Thing is that we dont really believe in our prayers. If we pray and trust God to take care of everything, then His joy should fill us. But after praying we still remain sad and what not. Pray no pray got what difference?? We should be living our lives with joy, His joy. He pointed me to the song "Counting on God", one of my favourite song that spoke to me and encouraged me on a tiring discouraged day to school somewhat much earlier this year. To him, it was just a reminder he wants to share with me, but wheni heard it, it felt like God's gentle scolding that's saying you pray but don't trust me to do it my way..

After we hang up, i sang the song, joy picked up. i picked up the guitar, started to play it and sing "counting on God".. and then i took out a random song from my file of songs and it was "I've got heaven on the inside of me", talking about yes, joy and peace. And indeed these two came into my heart before i read my bible, and 'Our Daily Bread'. Of no coincidence, but by God's perfect timing yet again,the passage spoke to this current situation and feelings i'm going on TODAY!

Passage: 2 Corinthians 8:1-9
what spoke to me was... from the passage...
"the grace of God bestowed... that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded in the riches of their liberality."
abundance of joy available in great trial of affliction
"and this they did, not as we had hoped, but first gave themselves to the Lord, and then to us by the will of God."
not as i have hoped for, but i gotta first give myself to the Lord, and then obey His will in my life

From Our Daily Bread:
What should our giving look like in the light of God's incredible generosity toward us? The Macedonian Christians, who were in "deep poverty", gave with "liberality" (2Cor 8:2). But "they first gave themselves to the Lord" (vs5). God the Creator of the universe does not need anything from us. He wants us!
even in hard times, i gotta learn to give of myself to God's calling, but even before that, i gotta learn to first give myself to God.

Counting on God
I'm in a fight not physical
I'm in a war, but not with this world
You are the light that's beautiful
I want more, I want all that's yours

Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength to live for today
So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring
'Coz my faith is on solid rock, I'm counting on God

I'm counting on, I'm counting on God
I'm counting on, I'm counting on God
I'm counting on, I'm counting on God
I'm counting on, I'm counting on God

Indeed Lord, i'm in a fight not physical, a war that's not with this world. Indeed, in this spiritual battle i'm going through, even in such a war, i'm gonna count on YOU! So that your 'joy unspeakable that wont go away' will give me the strength to last today, and every day. That i will not have to worry about tomorrow, for every day has enough troubles of his own. Help me to count on you and let your joy fill me.

I've got heaven on the inside of me
I've got heaven on the inside of me
Peace and joy, God has set me free
Heaven is a reality
Abundant life flows out of me

I've got a smile on my face
A glide in my stride
I'm tasting his grace as I'm walking by faith
I've got heaven on the inside of me,
I've got heaven flowing out of me
I'm bringing heaven into this world.

Joy, joy, joy
I've got such joy in my heart
I've got peace, peace, peace
I've got such peace in my heart

I remember the day it all began
It was the day that I was born again
An explosion took place on the inside of me
It was the spirit of God, setting me free

Indeed Lord, pour your joy and peace within me, that you will set me free. May you put a smile on my face and a glide in my stride. Now, i've got heaven on the inside of me.

1st week of school... fasting!

yup. 1st week of school, i've finally (more or less) come to the end of it. XD

but this week hadn't been an easy week for me. starting from sunday, found out that there were quite a few peps around me going thru real rough time... my cell too, at least half i know, the rest one may also be going thru, going through great tsunamis. Indeed this week i've come to known/sense different people who are currently under spiritual attacks. Some, very very serious. One such is my dear cousin who's doing real badly... deep depression. i'm griefed, i'm shocked, i'm worried, i'm praying. i mean like wow, the devil is increasing his attacks, and i've been slacking.. been absorbed with my own problems such that i'm oblivious to what others are going through. In such time, i myself know, there is a need for support.

God's heart gripped mine. On sunday night, i resolved to pray and fast this entire week in school, mainly for my cell, and ignyte ministry, and whatever else God implants in my heart to pray.

It's not been an easy week, getting updates, updating pple, calling pple, receiving calls, smsing pple, while struggling to finish my homework on time. Let me be frank here. At moments, frustration tempted to gripped me, especially when i'm 'running out of time' and there's a chunk of homework to complete. but i have no regrets. becoz i know that through this week, i'm supporting my loved ones.

well, anyway, so i've been praying and fasting lunch since monday till today. and it's been great partnering with God in prayer. But more so i wanna thank God for is His timely Word!

God spoke to me and encouraged me lots during my TAWG this entire week, monday to friday, from Our Daily Bread readings...

Monday
Ebenezer - "Thus far the LORD has helped us"
Passage: 1 Samuel 7:3-12 (NKJV)
God spoke to me that like the Israelites were in this battle, so is the cell (specifically) in such a battle at such a time as this.He is asking me(us) to...

Put away 'foreign gods'[anything that has greater priority than God and His purpose] ~ vs3

Prepare my(our) heart and serve Him only ~vs3

Fast (this was an affirmation to my decision on sunday to fast this week) ~vs6

Not cease crying out[interceding] to the Lord our God for my cell

SO THAT the Lord will deliver us (vs3),
He will answer us(vs9),
and one day i can take up a 'stone' and call it Ebenezer[Stone of Help], saying "Thus far the LORD has helped us"(v12)

That was comforting and assuring. A timely word that was sent at such a time as this. A passage that says it all. The only difference is this... the Israelites battle with the Philestine lasted for one day; i sense that this battle my cell is in will last at least a few months.
Indeed Lord, i will arise to be a 'Samuel' to my cell, my ministry and my loved ones, to intercede and cry out to you on their behalf, so that you may save us all.

Tuesday
Ordinary Days, expect God's visitation
was just sharing with 'drew ytd when i talked to him about being unable to shut in with God, even when i set aside time for Him, even in SP camp, etc. and he was encouraging me to press on even when far away from God, even in such tests. i was further encouraged today by the reading of the Word.

Quoting from certain parts of Our Daily Bread:
"Most often the Word of the Lord comes to a soul in the ordinary duties of life." eg. Zacharias performing his duties as a priest; shepherds watching their flocks.. they were at work as usual with no idea that they were about to receive a message from God.
"Jesus rarely comes where we expect Him; He appears in the most illogical situations. The only way a worker can keep true to God is by being ready for the Lord's surprise visits."
On this ordinary day, the Lord may have a word of encouragement, guidance, or instruction for us, if we're listening and ready to obey.
I wonder what I did for God today:
How many times did I once pause and pray?
But I must find and serve Him in these ways,
For life is made of ordinary days. [Macbeth]
Lord, i will learn to wait on you, and be ready for a visitation from you, even on ordinary days. I thank you that i don't have to restrict your visitations to church, camps, my time alone with you.

Wednesday
In all Kinds of Weather, Jesus is present
wednesday wasnt a very good emotional day for me. i went home feeling real down and low, convincing myself of my stupidity for actually going for my sch's drama club audition (yes, i'm in drama club, fyi). well, no one's fault, no that they forced me. i mean i ownself actually really wanna try acting, though believe i cant act, which prevents me from trying. and by the end of it all, i felt totally convinced that i just cant act and i shouldnt have even tried. anyways, felt really down and out and unable to do anything. happen to have my devotion that day at night, and what timely message! if i had read it in the morning, as in my usual routine, it wont be timely!!

Quoting from certain parts of Our Daily Bread:
"I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20) the word always literally means "all the days".
Jesus didn't simply say, "always", but "all the days". That takes into account all our various activities, the good and bad circumstances surrounding us, the varied responsibilities we have through the course of our days, the storm clouds and the sunshine.
Our Lord is present with us no matter what each day brings. It may be a day of joy or of sadness, of sickness or of health, of success or of failure. No matter what happens to us today, our Lord is walking beside us, strengthening us, loving us, filing us with faith, hope and love. As He envelopes uswith quiet serenity and security, our foes, fears, afflictions, and doubts begin to recede. We can bear up in any setting and circumstances because we know that Lord is at hand.
"I am with you." (Acts 18:10)
Thank you Lord for reminding me that you're here with me no matter whether today was a day or sadness, failure, and hopelessness. You are with me, even in all kinds of weather.

Thursday
Faithfulness in Everything
A: "There's really no glory in what you do."
B: "No, but it's a job that needs to be done."
you see, B is a painter who paints the inside o the Mackinac Bridge towers in NOrthern Michigan. His unnoticed job is done to ensure that the steel of the magnificent suspended structure won't rust fromt he inside out, compromising the integrity of the bridge. Most of the 12000 pple who cross the Straits of Mackinac ech day aren't even aware that theyare depending on workers like this painter to faithfully do their jobs well.
God also sees our faithfulness in the things we do. Though we think our deeds - big and small - sometimes go unnoticed, they are beng observed by the ONe who matters most. Whatever our task today, let's "do all in the name of the Lord Jesus" (Colossians 3:17)
Whatever task you find to do,
Regardless if it's big or small,
Perform it well, with al your might,
Because there's One who sees it all [Sper]
Daily work takes on eternal value when it is done for God.
Thank you Lord for reminding me to be constantly faithful in everything i do. Thank you for reminding me that you see everything i do, even though it is often not recognised/acknowledged by pple around me, causing me to feel discouraged at times.

Friday
Listen to understand, and be doers not just hearers
Passage: James 1:19-24
the passage was like a reminder, an emphasis on monday's passage, to "lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls" (vs21)
another thing that spoke to me was "be doers of the word and not hearers only" (vs22), "for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets" (vs24)
it reminded me. there were several pple i knew, whom i heard about their struggles, well, truth is for some, i had observed, sensed they were going down, but did nothing, going about doing my own things, and forgetting. I did not warn them, i did not do anything.
Be doers and not listeners.
Thank you Lord for the affirmation and reminder to get rid of anything that hinders, and for teaching me to be a doer and not just a listener, to not just be an observer but to take action.

another thing i came across today is this:
We can have a relationship with God where we can be absolutely honest and transparent to the point of even getting angry with Him. God understands we are hurting and finds a way to comfort us because with our small, human brain we cannot comprehend His thoughts.

TCC Morning Prayer with God

This week, TCC had a Morning Prayer with God week, 7am-8.30am @ Paya Lebar, monday to friday.
I was excited, and since it was near my JC, 15-20min bus ride, and i happen to start school 8.30am on mon, wed, fri, i was able to go. So i went! XD ... the only person seen there in uniform. haha. glad my dad joined me too, becoz he was blessed this week by the word shared, and by praying, and i got transport, which means i dun have to wake up so early, and can stay in the prayer longer becoz he'll send me to school.

Anyways, for those who missed it, or just wanna know about it, here's some pointers tat speaks to me. (okays, i admit, i'm writing this also becoz i wanna record and remember) =D

Monday [16/02/09]:
~ Psalm 23:1-2
~ the Lord is our shepherd
~ let the Lord bring us to green pastures [provision]
~ we need to learn to LIE DOWN in green pastures that God has given us
~ learn to be still before the Lord
~ we need to learn how to lie down, before the Lord can bring us to still waters
Dad's vision for me:
saw very still waters (representing me). there was this very large scoop tat scoops the still water. Although it scooped up and held the water, instead of the water being disturbed, it remained 'unnaturally' still, not disturbed, like it's not water.
meaning: though for the past 2 years i may have struggled with my studies, dint get good results, this year God's gonna use the past 2 years poor/unsatisfiable/not-up-to-par results to show His power and greatness. And through this period of preparing for A levels, i will not stress, but his peace will be on me and it will be evident.

Wednesday[18/02/09]:
~ Psalm 23:4-5
~ cast all our fears unto God, for His rod & staff will comfort us.
~ God has prepared for us a [spiritual] buffet table, even in the presence of our enemies; even in trials and tough situations, there is a buffet spread for us.
~ Let's not keep running and running, but God asks us to also stop and feast upon the buffet of His Word
~ Soak in the Word of God!
~ God annoint our heads with oil. His protection is over us, even in the uncertain times ahead.
[the pastors actually annointed with oil and prayed God's protection upon every individual there]
i surrendered to God my fears over the A levels, tests, and managing my studies & other commitments (eg. GB, cell, Ignyte CDC...). i was annointed and prayed for - God's protection over me.

Friday[21/02/09]:
~ like young King Josiah [in the Old Testament] who threw away and destroyed the 'gods' in Israel, cleanse himself and the congregation, to prepare His heart for the Lord.
~ we're a living sanctuary
~ release God's grace wherever we go
~ acknowledge the Lord
~ prepare our hearts for the works of God
okays, truth is i cant remember much about today's msg. but i remember the songs

i love the songs we sang as we proclaimed, worshipped the song to God this morning prayer week, becoz a lot of them were songs that came from deep within a heart, sang from the depths of the heart, and songs that we have not sung for ages

I really thank God tat i've been blessed through this morning prayer with God week, that dad has been quite blessed too. i had an 'owe-some' experience and enjoyed/savoured everything i could take back from LT1 @ PL.


In Your Presence
In Your Presence
I am content
In Your Presence
I am content

In Your Presence there is light
Expressions of your love
Revelations of Your Power and Might
In Your Presence I can bring a love song offering
I'm in the presence of my King.

Jesus, at Your Name
Jesus at Your Name, we bow our knees
Jesus at Your Name, we bow our knees
Jesus at Your Name, we bow our knees
And acknowledge you as Lord

You are the Christ
You are the Lord
By Your Spirit in our lives
We know who You are.

I will have no other gods
I will have no other gods before You
Only You will reign as my heart's king
I will have no other gods before You
I will put You first in everything

With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
I want to love you Lord
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my mind
I want to love you Lord

Sanctuary - by Jaci Velasquez
Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You

FAITHFULNESS, COMMITMENT, PERSEVERANCE, DETERMINATION!!!

My 4 Core Values in Life, of which i've just chosen in Dec2008.

What about them, you may ask? They are 4 key words to help survive the year in God! of course, you need the 'God-factor' in. Without God, what is life? [taken from my own life experience last year]

I've even put them at my bed to remind me constantly of these 4 values!! to make sure I wont forget them, just as I told my SURGE! group - Flash - tat i would do. =)

These 4 values may seem the same, like commitment and faithfulness, perseverance and determination, and indeed they are simliar, but given it deep consideration, you'll realise that they have their unique meaning, and are different in their value.

Analysing these 4 words from Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary 7th edition:
Faithfulness:
staying with or supporting a particular person, organisation or belief; loyal
Commitment:
the willingness to work hard and give your energy and time to a job or an activity
Perseverance:
the quality of continuing to try or achieve a particular aim despite difficulties
Determination:
the quality that makes you continue trying to do something even when this is difficult

hmmm.. wow. well, to me, these words hold a similiar but slightly different meaning than these picked out from the dictionary.
to me...

Faithfulness is the unyielding spirit that remains constant despite circumstances, that keeps to the promises and commitments made.
so 'coincidental', which i would say is the leading of the Holy Spirit, there was this sermon preached on 11Jan09 - Faithfulness.
Here, sis Gwen defined being Faithful as...
...to remain loyal, dutiful, responsible
...long term, despite of every difficulty or whatever we may be going through
then she went on to talk about being faithful in serving [attitude of pleasing God], of which many do not have this problem, and being faithful in Loving [attitude of pursuing God], of which many of us may lack despite us faithfully serving.
The word faithfulness hit me when just before camp, aN. was telling me about the meaning of faithfulness of which he came across in another fren's blog. Faithfulness means being faithful to God no matter what you're going through. Whether through the desert, even in times when God seems far away, we remain faithful. When aN. told me that tat day, which i think was at Changi Airport, it shook me. Faithfulness. I dint realised tat i have fallen off so much tat i lacked faithfulness. I wasnt faithful to God though He was faithful. Unknown to aN. i pondered over these thoughts for a long time, even days after it was spoken, it kept coming back to me.
yup yup. so this year, in the new year of 2009, i am committed to be faithful to God, in LOVING Him and serving Him. that no matter what comes my way, i will not turn away, i will not give up, I will not abandon God again. and just from my last sentence, you can see that to remain faithful, faithfulness is closely link to the other 3 values - Commitment, Perseverance, Determination.

Commitment is the willingness to give one's best in what one have agreed to do or have been assigned to do.
Yup. I think this round, the dictionary's description of commitment is very agreeable - being willing to work hard and give energy and time to what one has to do. This means in regardless of whether you have voluntarily agreed to do something, or it's your duty to do something (though you may be resistent to tat idea), you will give your best to bring it to completion, 'investing' your time and energy into it, being determined to persevere to the end. Something i used to be quite good at in secondary school, before i sortta fall out with God last year.
From a sermon by Bro Kah Fei, not long ago, in last dec SURGE! camp, commitment is defined as...
...a promise
...meant to be fulfilled
Not only that, but commitment requires us to...
1. Endure - thru the mundane, through the challenges
2. End well - persevering thru the end, and emerging victorious
This sermon was one that strike me deep. Commitment means I'm to endure through mundanity, even through life's challenges, which was something I failed terribly last year.
so in this new year of 2009, i will be commited to what God has called me to do, and the other responsibilities of mine (such as studies), and i will have commitment, persevering through mundanity, having the determination to endure and overcome all obstacles/challenges, being faithful to my commitments made.

Perseverance is the quality of refusing to give up, regardless of difficulties, but continuing to strive to the end, finishing what oneself had started on.
Determination is the willpower not to give in, whilst perseverance is the action. Perseverance prompts a person to keep trying and trying despite failures. Perseverance refuses to admit lose to difficulties no matter how gigantic they may be. Perseverance refuses to acknowledge how great the difficulties can be, but rather focus more intently on overcoming these difficulties as these difficulties get greater.
yupz! so 2009 is the start, the re-establishing of this quality of perseverance in my life. This means that i'm determined and committed this year onwards to persevere in every thing i do; when difficulties come rolling my way threatening to crush me, I will focus more on the 'NOT IMPOSSIBLE' than 'difficult' in the saying "It may be difficult, but it is not impossible!"; i will not give up but i will keep trying again and again, being committed to find a way to overcome the difficulties.

Determination is the strong willpower that has set in one's heart, mind and spirit not to give in to any obstacles and hindrances that will come one's way as one takes up a task.
sounds similiar to perseverance, but it's different. Determination is kinda what one have before one start on something, and ensures one takes up steps (such as being determined to persevere) during the process of completing the task to ensure one does not fail. While perseverance is actually what one gains/display during the process of completing the task to ensure that the task is successfully finished.
Determination is like making an agreement with oneself not to give in to anything tat may come one's way, setting one's heart, mind and spirit to the goal/finishing line, and going full speed into the course towards the finish. Determination is immediately detecting any obstacles and taking steps to ensure it will not hinder oneself reaching the finish line. Determination is to keep reminding oneself that "I can do it!". Determination is to bounce off any hindering works.
Sooo... 2009, a brand-new year for me, will bring along a determined rachel who will keep persisting in perseverance, never giving in to negativities, never giving up on the tasks called to complete, being committed to be faithful, and not going to lose out to the devil, tapping on God's strength, guidance and wisdom.

However, these 4 values are not so useful in life to overcome all obstacles, if you have no power source to tap from. For so much energy needed for these 4 values, one needs fuel, special superb, extraordinarily strong and powerful fuel - God's fuel. For He can grant us a determined spirit, and strength to persevere. He can remind and convict us of our commitments and the need to commit to the cause. And he himself is a live example and perfect role-model of faithfulness, always being faithful in His love towards us, regardless of how we may be treating Him. Don't struggle with trying to make these 4values part of your life by yourself, but let Him disciple you in letting these values slowly become part of you, become Him in you.


well, you've heard about these 4 values already. Question to any readers who are reading this is, what then are you gonna do about your own life? I've made these 4 words part of my life now, to remind myself how i can live my life in God, to reach my end goals, beginning right now with the end in mind.
Will you be faithful in loving God? Will you be faithful in seeking God, in your relationship with God? Will you be faithful and committed to what God has called you to do? Will you have that commitment to endure through mundanity and challenges, to end well? Will you be willing to persevere in your walk with God, even through dry times, determined not to let God go out of your life, determined to 'wrestle' with God like Jacob did till God has blessed you?

What will you do?

18th birthday

wow. i'm 18 years old. tat's erm.. fast? haha. i feel old. XD becoz i am! haha

18th birthday, lotsa pple say tat's one of the significant birthdays, special.. *shrug*

well, it wasnt anything near special today.

received birthday greetings and well wishes SMSes even before i woke up. got 4 before i woke up, and another 13 more throughout the day. =)
thank you all who remembered, especially when i actually dint expect quite a number of you individuals to remember.

Not forgetting my wonderful class - 0836, who a few gal frens kindly remembered, when i actually thot everyone wld forget since everyone's busy wif open house ytd, and got a nice mango cake, of which we cut and shared among the class. :) and for all the other 0836 birthday well wishes as well. thanks pple.

and thank you friends whom saw me in school and wished me. Thanks! =)

HOWEVER, despite all the "happy birthdays". Today wasnt exactly very happy. morning lessons were alright. was still quite okay. a little sore for having to cancel my bowl&pool plans after school, becoz there was cca...but still expected afternoon to be fun too, since drama usually is, even if it's slightly at times.

to my great disappointment, we were told to do research for an hour, browsing through 10min plays.. and i was already tired.. so i was totally bored and sian diao. should have just gone for bowling. xp

sigh. ended up in kinda a low mood by the time drama was ending. guess i was kinda very disappointed in the turnout of my birthday. dun really have surprises ('cept for the cake), no pressies, waste my time when i could have gone out to play or even relaxing at home in the afternoon, dint spend much time wif loved ones, go home still have to do homework..
thinking about these just made me kinda frustrated and i guess sad as well, becoz tears pricked my eyes. was struggling to keep off the negativities, but it was very very very hard. at certain moments i felt so overwhelmed, but i kept praying.

i felt sad and all that on my birthday, though i was remembered, i dint feel exactly very appreciated (frankly, no offense).. maybe becoz just letting the bad mood sink in. but later at home, i realised that it wasnt very important. i dont have to feel appreciated, becoz i know that there are people that do care for me and love me, though they may not have shown it so much today. =)

i was disappointed that i dint really spent my day much with anyone close, even classmates. On my way home i was thinking, if i could just have some time today chatting with my 2 teacher-mentor-friends, that would have made my day! miss them lots, and they happen to be friends who knows my heart and can make me smile, while advicing me and guiding me in life, though not so much since i left sec sch. still, we kinda still keep in contact, at least for one.

at least i did spent quality time with another mentor yesterday (early bday fellowship bah XD ) and we had a good time chatting and sharing. I'm so so glad and grateful for that meet up. It meant a lot to me. becoz I've been waiting long, since end camp, till now to confess the thing that God has prompted me to go and confess to a leader so He may truly break that chain. and HALLELUJAH! it cldnt be done before the new year, but it was done before i enter my 19th year!!! Wheeeeee... haha.

Really thank you so much dear mentor-sis (no, not biological sis, but sis in Christ), for listening, for not changing your viewpoint on me, for accepting me, for advicing me and teaching me how to carry on, walking and submitting to God. Thank you so much for planning to follow-up on me, and initiate my accountability to you, becoz as much as i may have wanted (and i did), i will never dare to impose myself on you, busy as you are.
But I truly thank the Lord how our conversation even got me to share wif u my struggles in accountability & trusting/sharing wif pple, and u understood, and assurred me. i treasure that sentence you said, "yes, i am busy, but surely i can spare one hour of my time to meet up with you and talk to you."

Just to let you know mentor-sis (though i doubt u'll actually read this), when i went back, i did 2 out of the 5 things you challenged me to do in submission that very night. Praying with authority over my bed & room, and worshipping the Lord with my guitar on my bed. it went successfully well. actually just so tired, play guit until falling asleep, kept it, then bam! feel asleep back on my bed. haha.

anyways, back to today.

i thank GOD my birthday DINT end on a bad note, despite the disappointments of the day.

when i reached home, i grabbed my guitar and started worshipping the Lord, song after another. then I spent time with Him, reading His Word. Still having problems waiting upon Him and listening to Him, but I'M WORKING ON IT! =D

so though i dint spent much quality fellowship time with any of the many pple real close to my heart today, i spent QUALITY & QUANTITY time with the most precious and beloved person of my life, my lover & true love. and tat's all that really matters. He chased away all the negativities and renewed joy in my heart.

seriously DINT get much pressies this round. though i got one surprise pressie, from good dear 'ole' lou. so sweet and nice of her. i'm until now seriously touched by her gift. She actually came all the way down my house to deliver my gift - garlic bread, homebaked japanese cheese spongue cake, one day in advance(means ytd lor). i was suprised. she never gave me anything for my birthday before. the cake was unique in looks and taste. it's the thought that counts and mean so much to me... tat my fren came all the way down to drop my birthday gift for me. Thanks gal. I'm real touched.
the only other 2 presents i received are from my sis and mom! thanks lot. i like the FUNKY B voucher(yes, can buy new shirt) and a nice 'pick Jesus' pick. i like the pretty yellow bag mom gave me too.

well, tat's all my account for my birthday. i'm grateful to know i'm remembered. that my family and frens love me. and though it's true that unhappy times may come,i can do something about it, becoz God is wif me.
Indeed the greatest gift today was the time i spent with my Lover the Lord, and that's how that matters and is imprortant.

signing off, goodnite
(this is 2.13am becoz i spent time doing homework before blogging.. and there's school till 5.30pm tmr.)

Friday Night

was nervous about tonight. becoz it's a big step back into the SP arena, a place where i never thought i'll come back. nervous becoz of how i left, nervous becoz of the bad experience i had... that i never felt i fit into this 'SP thingy', that i never felt comfortable, and that i never stepped fully into the 'SP stuff' back then.

FYI for ignyters, especially those who know me well. you probably dint know that though i was an SP, officially, in mid 2006, the number of times i've been to LCE can be counted on one hand (means less than 5 times lah), i've never did salting as an SP in an event, the number of times i've been to L-cell/SP empowerment can be counted on my two hands (means less than 10 times.aiyo.)... yah. i never felt i was ready or up for it. even up to the SP interview, i dint felt i was ready, but i was being pushed, so after long resistance, i went, got commissioned. i thot God was only using me as an SP for just a season, in 2007, during the transition, when i got my 1st 2 SBs. esp jann. becoz i'm probably like the only close one she knows in ignyte, and i cld easily connect her and encourage her to come for FUEL and ignyte service.

i called for an ALL-OUT this year, wanting to 'step down' from SP. little did i know when i came back to God, God called me back in. i hesitated becoz i felt for so long, so convinced that this official church SP was definitely not God's plan for me, but now i'm riding on His wings, following His guidance.

anyways, back to tonight. haha. i was feeling nervous about it, ever since they announced it last sunday. ya. i mean it's like being away for so long, never felt part of it, and there's pple there knowing i'm was an SP, though MIA from SP-related stuffs, i mean, what will they be thinking? will my 'past' haunt me? i know those who are quite close to me, esp those praying for me, will be silently rejoicing that i've returned... but still for those who dun know me but recognises me... *shrugs*

felt very very tempted to shun and hide away, but haha. how long can i do that? remembering the 4 values - Faithfulness, Commitment, Perseverance, Determination.. remembering who i'm relying on.. remembering my decision to trust God and not turn back, i yielded, and chose to obey and trust God. Praise the LORD for that!

i'm so thankful when alex called me out to have dinner wif her, sherm, 3adult leaders & shamus. becoz during that time, before SP empowerment, of which i'm nervous about, we talked, joked, laughed, chasing away all other thoughts in my mind, and giving no chance for doubts, fears, nervousness, and whatever to enter. if not, on the way here, i'll probably started getting a little jumpy. xp

okays, i wont say the whole thing went perfect, but nearly there. haha. most of the time i was feeling alright. though there were few, and very short, moments where i got a little nervous or a little awkward, but God soon stilled my heart.. and come to think of it, i guess you could say i was kinda resting in God's presence bah. so HALLELUJAH! for that.

and worship was great. i just felt so at peace, so at rest, so bliss. (okay, not 0836 bliss, that bliss.. but just the normal english word bliss. haha. just in case 0836 pple read this..) i was just smiling while i worshipped my lover. oh how sweet His love for me.

Anyways, tis a reminder to me that i should obey and trust God, for He'll deal with whatever awkwardness, nervousness, fears, doubts that may come my way, regardless of what aspect of life God's pointing towards.

Thank you Lord for the dinner fellowship. Thank you Lord that i'm invited for the dinner, making me feel more settled, making me feel remembered, making me feel more belonged. Thank you for Chloe who despite having a bad day, welcomed me back to the SP community, bringing tears to my eyes. Thank you Lord for being with me, being so real to me, for comforting me and granting me your rest. Thank you Lord for teaching me to rest in you, to trust you, and to have faith in you, for you are the God of the Possible, and the IMPOSSIBLES! Hallelujah!

The Year Of Jubilee

a fren asked me yesterday, what i meant by the year of jubilee. i never really thought carefully about it, becoz before 2008, i sensed and fixed already that 2009 will be a year of jubilee for me. so yesterday, i did some research.

from dictionary.com:
-rejoicing or jubilation
-A season of general joy
-Bible In the Hebrew Scriptures, a year of rest to be observed by the Israelites every 50th year, during which slaves were to be set free, alienated property restored to the former owners, and the lands left untilled (Lev 25)

from a Catholic Encycliopedia:
It contains three main enactments:
1. rest of the soil;
2. reversion of landed property to its original owner, who had been driven by poverty to sell it; and
3. the freeing or manumission of those Israelites who, through poverty or otherwise, had become the slaves of their brethren.

Leviticus 25:
(vs 10) "Consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim liberty throughout the land to all its inhabitants. It shall be a jubilee for you; each one of you is to return to his family property and each to his own clan"
(vs13) "'In this Year of Jubilee everyone is to return to his own property. "
(vs54) "Even if he is not redeemed in any of these ways, he and his children are to be released in the Year of Jubilee."

I've drawn my conclusion, that this year of Jubilee for me, will mean a year of rejoicing, of rest, of freedom.

Rejoicing and celebration is what the Israelites do in the Year of Jubilee, rejoicing over what God has done.
I believe that in 2009, God will give lots for me to rejoice over, whether it's in terms of tangible or intangible things.

Rest. In the Year of Jubilee, slaves are being set free, land are left untilled/to rest and not being plowed/to recover, Israelites who had to leave their homes/sell their homes are able to return and rest in its comfort.
I believe that in 2009, as I have returned home to my Father's love and embrace after a whole year in 2008 running and hiding away, I will be finding rest in Him, and I will learn to surrender my fears and cares to Him, that I may find rest in Him.

Freedom was what slaves received in the Year of Jubilee. Only occuring every 50th year, these slaves sort of, if you think about it, probably live through the Year of Jubilee once. They only had this one chance to gain freedom from having to work under their masters, especially if they have unkind masters. It's a freedom i'm sure they are grateful to have.
I believe in 2009, I will be receiving and living in this freedom I have received from having returned to My Father's protection. That I will be living in freedom from my past bondages such as fear, guilt, shame, and sin.

so, WELCOME 2009, THE YEAR OF JUBILEE, THE YEAR OF REJOICING, REST, AND FREEDOM IN THE LORD!!!

The Year of New Beginnings and The Year of Jubilee

HAPPY BLESSED NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!
May 2009 be a GREAT year of ABUNDANT LIVING for you all!!! and may you receive a BREAKTHROUGH in your life this year.

Well, for me though, i think that 2009 will be more of a year of jubilee than of abundant living. I already long claimed 2009 as the year of jubilee for myself, even before 2008.

except for year 2008, where the year's outlook was given and received through the church's declaration, the past few years have significant been what i have declared for myself.

2006 was the year of growth, and indeed it was a year of GREAT growth for me, in terms of my character, my walk with God, my relations with my family in Christ, and my involvement in church.

2007 was the year of trials, and indeed i faced many trials that year, many challenges and stuffs, like my O levels, my extra school commitments, my struggles in studies, as an SP, away from my very close and comfortable friends in church who happened to be at Adam while I in PL, etc.

and indeed, as claimed and proclaimed by Pastor Dom last watchnight, 2008 will be a year of New Beginnings, and indeed it was for me, GREATLY!!

Let's see what are some of the New Beginnings I've experienced throughout 2008...
1. NEW Zone in Ignyte (from upper sec to Zone2)
2. NEW cell group
3. NEW structure (from FUEL to cells)
4. NEW adult leaders
5. NEW school/environment (from PHS to NYJC)
6. NEW class
7. NEW CCA (from GB[UG] to AVA & Drama[Arts])
8. NEW friends
9. NEW spritual struggle like never before (really bad struggle that spiralled my life downwards and draged everything else down too.)
10. NEW method of school system (from classrooms setting to lectures & tutorials seeting)
11. NEW way of studying - Night Studying
12. NEW sets of friends (really see the more 'worldly' folks, different type of people that i'm not very exposed to in pri/sec school.)
13. NEW friendship challenges (last time i never really had friendship probs. 2008 i met a lot of them and i myself had some friendship prob, kinda.. but it's kinda within myself so pple dun really know)
14. NEW abundant growth in Ignyte @ PL - Multiplication to 2services, sat and sun (losing my 1st SBs and feeling insecure becoz i dun have them to occupy my attention after just having multiplied into 2 centres in 20007)
15. NEW growth in worshipping God through the guitar - Believer Music (Worship Dynamics 1&2, Advanced Worship Dynamics 1&2)
16. NEW self-default mode - Run away and hide
17. NEW me - lost determination, lost focus of God, lost discipline, lost principles, lost self-confidence, lost self-esteem
18. NEW choices - Church visiting every now and then (skip ignyte services to purposely visit other churches)
19. NEW quarrels and impatience - in jan i blew up at my closest friends
20. NEW blog - Alone In The Rain (as the posts were no longer honoring God, so i chose to find a new avenue to vent things out)
21. NEW emotional struggles (due to transitions)
22. NEW me around guys in school (i'm able to make friends with guys and have guy friends... becoz FYI i'm awkward around guys and dun really make friends with guys in school)
23. NEW accountability partner - ed.
24. NEW reminder source/help - Sis Gwen, EC
25. NEW way of doing TAWG - Our Daily Bread
26. NEW composing heart for songs
27. NEW sport take-up & sport buddy - Badminton (after not playing like for eon years) & Bliss
28. NEW relaxation & fellowship - Friday Fun Time!!!
29. NEW skills - Magic Tricks
30. NEW experience of performing Magic Tricks to bring 'magic' (happiness, ice-breaker) into pple's lives
31. NEW method of running away - going overseas ALONE with my dad (Vietnam trip)
32. NEW growth in mom's cell - Multiplication (and having to say tata to some of the comfortable, known for years members)
33. NEW experience by going to Nepal
34. NEW experience in real mountain trekking in Nepal
35. NEW craft idea - making magnets as gifts!
36. NEW way of God touching & speaking to me - through the stillness (in & from camp onwards)
37. NEW revival/person - through SURGE camp, where God turned me back up-right.
38. NEW-found joy and freedom, from having at last being at peace with God. (chains were also broken at camp)
39. NEW-found values to hold dear to - Determination, Commitment, Faithfulness, Perseverance!
40. NEW outlook and arrangement for my desk and drawers

yup. and i'm sure there's more... just that i cant remember. Definitely NOT ALL of these new things are enjoyable. Rather, most of them were painful and struggles. And although these were all new beginnings for me in the year 2008, i pray that some of them will just be the first and last times! i dun want them to be the beginning of many such things to come in the next few years, like 9, 13, 16, 17, 19...

Well, whatever the case, all i can say now is 2008 IS OVER!!! SO LONG 2008, AND WELCOME 2009!!! THE YEAR OF JUBILEE!!!!!

I give thanks to the Lord for 2008, that although majority were heartaches and pains and despair, it was through it all that i emerge a champion and surging for God at the end of the year. I give thanks becoz God saw me through EVERYTHING in 2008!!!

and this year, i'm gonna REJOICE in Him!!!

The Year of Jubilee has begun, and i'm already rejoicing that I'm starting the year with my heart, mind, and soul right with God, with my focus right and clear, with principles and goals that God has directed me to enforce this year, with a cell of whom i'm quite comfortable with the cell leaders and most of my cell members. =D

and becoz i'm reminded, through this song, and can proclaim that the Lord has been there throughout and He NEVER GAVE UP ON ME!!!

Never Give Up by Josh Bates
Time after time you’ve been left behind
like the sun when it’s starting to rain
Time after time you’ve been forgotten
like a picture that’s faded with age
Time after time you ran after me
when I was still running away

Chorus:
You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I’m weak you are strong
You told me I still belong
No, you never, never give up on me

Time after time I’ve used your grace
as a way to do what I please
I’ve taken for granted prayers that you answered
never been all I could be
You are holding out your hands
and now I clearly see

Chorus

You always erase all my mistakes
You lift me up when I'm down
Through all the ages, Your love never changes
You welcome me just as I am

Chorus

Never give up, never give up on me...

indeed Lord, in 2008, time after time you've been left behind, when i started walking alone in the rain, running away from you. indeed i've taken for granted your grace and my answered prayers. i've been so blind, but now i clearly see that you are holding out your hands to me. Out of the fullness of your grace, you erase my mistakes, forgiven me, lift me up when i'm down. your love for me has never changed, and you welcome me back, just as i am, a sinner, an unfaithful servant. and now i can sing and proclaim that through it all you never gave up on me, and you told me, and remind me that i still belong, bringing tears to my eyes, and my heart sobbed being so overwhelmed by your love and grace for me. your relentless love.

Confession... and Thanksgiving

Yes, God may have redeemed me and renewed me at camp, but it was NEVER said that after that it will always be smooth sailing. No. rather, as one moves closer and closer to God, the more hurdles the devil throws to deter that person. This is saying from personal experience.

(So friends out there who are facing real hard times.. rejoice instead! becoz this means your relationship with God is getting better, and thus the devil is getting scared out of his wits, so he is using whatever he can to throw at you!)

anyways, confession. 2 hard hurdles really hit me hard these past few days. Friday, and today.

Friday, an explosion took place at home with dad shouting hurting words, not really directly to me, but to my bro, but enough for me to get worked out too. okay, a few did get to me. his accussations, his hurtful words... it got me real real mad. it got me boiling. but i kept telling myself.. "patience... patience..."

i was brought back to the past, to the 'old' me, to the me before camp, to those hurtful times when my dad's actions, words hurt me a lot. i bore my emotions within again, and this caused frustration such that i could not do anything else the rest of the night. his explosion caused the entire family to be unhapppy and impatient with one another. i dont like that.

But i thank God. Firstly, that when those emotions came, i chose to immediately pray and surrender to God. I thank God that even though i really struggled with the hurts and sorrows that night, chains that God has broken back in camp, before i slept, his peace came, and the burden was lifted. Hallelujah!

Today. i struggled. it's kinda personal, so i wont explain what happened in the morning. dont worry, it's NOT serious. but being so accustomed throughout this entire year, i went into default mode. dint know what to do, how to react, felt awkward... i went to default mode - run and hide. i escaped to my quiet corner i found in church, where i spent undisturbed time with the Lord. and i retreated there and confessed my feelings and fears to Him, then did my devotion. i felt fear, guilt, regret. i dint know how to face some people that morning, so i went away and hid. cowardice of me! nostalgic regrets also taunted me.

But, praise the Lord! i managed to push aside those thoughts and negative emotions, that he removed those feelings, that i was able to focus on Him throughout the service, and his peace reigned in me again. Also, the second time, i dint run but did what my heart commanded me, and i dint have to regret again today. Hallelujah!!

It aint gonna be easy when hurdles come our way, even after God has spoken to us and touched us. But when we choose to stay committed to our decisions, faithful to God, and persevere in keeping our choice to surrender and not turn back, God will be there to help. God has and is always with us. Praise the Lord for His help and His strength! Praise the Lord that i so far did not turn back, after putting my hand to the plow. HALLELUJAH!!!