Ignite 4 Him!

i've lost it. i can't believe it. i've been noticing, and the more i do, the more i seem to be proven right. my heart is temporary torn in two by 2 friends. i thought... but, maybe things weren't meant to be. It's interesting how through me people get to know one another, and they grow closer to each other, but they grow further from me. friends... it has become a perplexing issue i don't want to think, but can't seem to stop. After this post, i'm not going to dwell on it. I'm learning to let go. What's not meant to be is just not meant to be. You can say i give up. But i know i tried, and maybe if u seen it, things could have been savage. but many of your eyes failed to see. or maybe i'm not trying hard enough. either way, i'm releasing you. you, you, you, and some others more. Our friendships are not severed. i'm not totally giving up on our friendships. Maybe we would be able to rebuild them in the future, but at the moment, i doubt so, observing you too busy to notice that your actions/'aura' towards me is really making me hard to hold on as tightly as i used/want to. you can say i'm being selfish, after all everyone seem to have a little unspoken problem with me being a 'saint'.

I'm learning to let go of my expectations of friendships, and let go of friendships if i have to. I don't know if this is the right decision, and i'm afraid i'll let go of everything and be left with nothing. but right now, i'm going to take things one step at a time, and take whatever that comes in my way. I'm going to see what life brings, and i pray through this journey of waiting, of learning, God will open up my eyes and show me what to do best.

i feel like escaping both your presences so that i won't feel the lack, but due to circumstances, i can't, but i'll probably try to. the feeling is like both of you stole my other friend away, though that's rubbish. well, i wish you two all the best in your building-up-fast friendship. and i wish myself all the best to find someone else to share to, since both of u seem to 'fail' me (probably becoz i'm not a good friend myself. have always sensed that but seeing u 2 finding each other, it's greater confirmation).

i miss my dog. i'm in search for man's best friend - the-ever-faithful dog! miss lucky boy.... .... .... ....

i pray that my heart don't also close out a group of friends - cell - if not, i really think i'm left with nothing much in-depth. Friends i know i will always have... but in-depth friends... ... ... ...