I wanna pack up now.

Feeling a lil tired. It's hols, coming to the end of it, but dunno why although first week went well and felt rested, this week was rather a downslope. :( felt tired, wanting to sleep more but dint really allow myself to, and although had seemingly more time at home, just kept feeling tired instead of recharge. Moreover, in terms of spiritual rest & recharge, 1st week went well, but this week struggled to spend more time with God... just felt simply lazy. >.<

I really dunno what's wrong with me. :S sighs, and school's starting soon. At first I seem to be going right with God, really spending more time with Him and learning to indeed rely on Him throughout the week, especially after He asked me to let go of a particular someone. :S though nvr a day when I don't rmb him, but at least I learn to focus my thoughts more on God and less on him.

but this week, it din't happen. :S I got distracted again. Maybe I shouldn't have talked to him (or rather typed to him) this week. Sighs. Lord, was that one 'small' act really one of disobedience? :( Help me Lord, I want You more than I want Him. Becoz so far, in all the earth, only in You can I feel full assurance and perfectly described in Your word "Perfect love casts out all fear".

To be honest.. Lord, it's been 14days of not seeing him already!!! I admit I feel slightly agonized. >.< help me Lord. Tonight, whilst walking home, I really decided that I shall indeed let go of him le. Not just let go of him to you, but Lord, I wish to make myself let go of my feelings for him. I don't want to hold on anymore. I don't want to 单恋 anymore.

Ever since before sec 3 I have been 单恋ing, one after another. 老大 took 2years before i 狠下心 to get over. You cld say it lasted whole of sec 3-4. When moved out of sec sch, it got easier to manage. But lo and behold, 老二 came during jc years... lasted for about 2 years too, and subsided after As becoz of transition, went different paths. Yet once again, lo and behold, as I transit out of jc chapter of life, I met the current one, and in several months of knowing each other, sighs. 慢慢的又在单恋了。 >.< So you can say since sec 3, with about 2years duration, I've been 单恋ing one after another. :S

and I'm really tired of all these le. 单恋真的很辛苦。现在有五年半的单恋经历，足够了吧！我快受不了了！天天这么辛苦，好像给自己一直不停的伤害，则磨。这疯狂的单恋 distract me from 耶稣的爱； 让我把自己的爱人（耶稣）给忽视了; 让我太多次心痛又烦恼又心灵分散，也让我情感不稳定；浪费了我很多时间，心思，和力气。该停止了吧！我不要这样继续下去了。我不要这么痛苦又心烦的过日子了。我受够了。我不要在单恋了，可以吗？以后，耶稣替我选的男人，让他先喜欢上我来追我吧。我真的不想再做这种辛苦又痛苦的单恋生活了。

晚安。