Praise the Lord, indeed Yahweh Jehovah has sustained me. This week, I have been kinda "depressed" and stress-out... and started reflecting, a lot. *sometimes, I do my own self-reflection, and reflect upon what I had done, what I want to change, my progress, etc.*
As my exams are coming up, I really wanted to put my best in my studies, as I am very disappointed at myself for doing so badly for the Common Tests in Term 1. Yet, many a times, I just cannot study and I find myself very distracted even during lessons. Last Friday, my teacher offered remedial... for my most favourite subject too... and I was kinda lacking in that subject. I could stay back and was very pleased that a remedial has been offered...
However, on that day, I just couldn't study... the remedial was opened to his CCA pupils as well as those from his class, and those who asked him... and I didn't really liked the environment...
I felt that studying with the CCA pupils might not be very well, thus my friends and I decided to have group study... it didn't turn out well either. I was frustrated... the exams are coming and I didn't want to waste my afternoon without learning anything, which was what happened.
It was raining that afternoon, I sat at the chair at the corridor in my school, looking at the rain, and reflecting, thinking, speaking to God, pouring out everything to God... I was feeling depressed, angry, and just tired out. Also, the whole day I was having pangs of pain at my stomach area every now and then, not extreme pain, but a little.
My teacher walked passed a couple of times and asked if I was okay. I replied, "I'm fine" ... well, i thought I was til I went home.
My occasional pangs of pain was still there, and I surprisingly didn't have much appetite. I went to bed rather early that day, with the pain getting worse. After my mom's cell group had left, I called her. She said I was probably having gastric flu. That night, the pain was getting nearly unbearable, and I was having diarrhea. That night, I slept badly and woke up the next day aching all over. It was Saturday morning.
The teacher was yet again offering remedial, as my friends told me. My friend and I agreed to go together... that was before I realised I had gastric flu. That morning I was debating if I should go. I woke up feeling grumpy and weak. My mom said I should go instead of moping at home, and I also didn't wanna let my friend down, so I went. While waiting for the bus, I was praying and praying. I asked the Jehovah to heal me, to take away the pain, even as I go to school, and later straight to church. That morning, I only ate 5 spoonful of porridge and was full, much to my mom's and my surprise.
Praise the Lord! While I was at the canteen waiting for everyone else to arrive, I started to become myself. By the time my friends came, I was my usual happy self who can joke about. Praise the Lord that the pain did not occurred and I was strengthen and no longer weak, although I could not absorb anything during the remedial, at least I got some notes and understood a little more, though I can't seem to recollect my thoughts then.
Later, I rushed to church halfway through the remedial as I had sof meeting. I thought it was at 1pm, but then I realised it was 1.30pm. So i had time to eat my lunch, the left-over porridge from my breakfast, plan porridge with garlic and egg... YUCKS! but good for me, said mom. Anyway, I was so much better throughout the day and had no pains.
The Lord also spoke to me even through the service. The message was how to stay cool! *visit IGNYTE web to see if the sermon powerpoint is uploaded there* There were 3 points, but basically the 1st 2 points spoke deeply to me.
The 1st is to look up! Look up to God and not the things around you. Indeed I have been focusing on the problems and situations around me and was being stressed out. Many a times I felt like just giving up, especially in my studies. I am one who is eager to learn, yet this year, my studies were dropping crazily, to me anyway. I was so depressed that even on Friday, I was telling God, "I want to give up... I don't care if I don't understand the topics, I would just memorise what I know and that's it. I'm tired." The Lord spoke through the sermon.
2nd- Wait! up. wait upon the Lord. Stop striving, stop trying to do things by yourself, but trust in the Lord that He will lift you up. It was then I realised... all the while I wanted to be my best, to do my best, to give the whole world a good impression of me, that I would honor God and bring glory to his name. But i realised, that all these while, instead of waiting upon the Lord, I was trying to do it all on my own, and of course, I was unsuccessful. Thus, I often get angry with myself, for slacking and ungodly behaviour. I was tired! The Lord convicted me through the sermon.
Praise the Lord, indeed he has sustained me, emotionally, physically(gastric flu), spiritually... Though I have not fully recovered, I thank the Lord that I am 95% recovered ( i think)... prayerfully, I would be fully 100% recovered by tomorrow, so that I can be in tip-top condition for my exams.
Amen. Praise the Lord. He indeed is the
El-Shaddai (the Almighty God),
Jehovah Jireh (The Lord will Provide),
Jehovah Repheka (the Lord our Healer),
Jehovah Nissi (the Lord our Conqueror),
Jehovah Shalom (the Lord our peace),
Jehovah Shamah (the Lord is There).
*More than coincidence... the sermon focused on Isaiah 40, and when i went home after church, i realised that my reading for my daily devotion was also Isaiah 40... coincidence, i think not*
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