YEA! TIMEPIECES 1st night went splendid! not perfect, a few hiccups, but nonetheless overally splendid! one more night to go! cant wait. it all just seems to fast. at the end of the entire night yesterday, i kept asking many pple.. "we just finished one night of drama night? really? it doesnt feel like. am i dreaming? is this just another rehearsal?"
haha... i was so so hyped up just before drama night, and after my own play... i seemed to went nearly hysterical with the excitement. and praise God for that! becoz, honestly speaking i had a very very bad afternoon that put me in quite a bad mood. yes, it so seemed that though my previous post was saying so much about how the week had been good and stuff, there comes a pitfall yesterday to put me in the test, or so it seemed. and i was really tempted. It was a struggle.
i was tired. i'm in lack of sleep. so was everyone else. i spent the entire afternoon yesterday doing nothing, and with hardly anyone to spend the time with me, everyone either busy with something, of which somehow i'm not. sigh. either that or the people who were idling around were very sian, very tired, very lost in their own world or something. i couldnt really find anyone to help cheer me up, to accompany me much... and i was just restless. but i understand. everyone was just so tired. people had lots of their mind, and others have to do makeup and costume, lights, sounds, and stuffs. i'm not blaming anyone here, nor am i expecting anyone to accompany me, nor am i complaining. i am just stating how i felt here, so as an attempt for me to be more open here, and yet also for me to just voice things out and not suppress it inside. *wink* so pple who read, dont be worried, upset or take offense whatsoever. i do not and will not purposely state something that i do not mean.
anyways, too much unoccupied time for me.. is bad. being bored and restless, having nothing to do... thoughts start to wander. doubts seep in again. insecurity came. lies flooded my mind and tempted me to agree with it. i started to feel negative. and as time went by in the afternoon, as i move from one person to another, trying to get some company, i became more restless, more irritable, and more frustrated, though unseen (as usual).
and one of the thought tat came across...
maybe i should have kept quiet, maybe i should have said more.something that occurred to me thurs night. maybe i talked too much.i mean all i thot i was doing was to see something that could be improved on, then say it out just so we can have a better drama night. but apparently pple seem to receive it differently and badly.maybe it's the way i said them. i dunno. it's hard to tell. i mean i know you all are busy and stuff, so me being the very 'free' person for the fact that i dun need to change nor need to put make up, and always seem to be by myself for the fact that the active pple in my play are guys and they're always running off somewhere.. so being the bored me, i observe and comment. i just wanted to help. i just wanted to help you ensure drama night runs well, but apparently i seemed to be misunderstood. i'm not trying to act smart or bossing around or pointing out flaws to pull people down. it's just my character to point out places of improvements. i feel bad, guilty, and sometimes evil doing these.. and i wonder why. my intention is tat of helping that's all. i'm not saying you're bad at your job. No, you pple are doing a great job, seriously. i'm just picking up the scraps which some of us may have overlooked having so many other things to handle. i'm just free enough to do that i guess.
it's true that i may seem to critic a lot, but only so to help see improvements, that's all, nothing else really. i'm sorry if my tone was off and thus put you off. it's true that sometimes i feel unappreciated, but that's my problem so leave it to me to somehow settle it within myself. as long as improvements are made, that's half the comfort received. so when i saw the rubber stopper and the arrangement of the cast after their plays, i was quite contented. when girl and ted worked out their cue, there was just contentment. seeing JJ doing so well, and learning how to handle the mic, contentment again. i guess words arent often need to be said, sometimes actions brings comfort when words fail to come. =) at least i know i did what i can, and that's enough for me.
well... so restless ole me. i was worried about this superb restlessness i had. this restlessness and frustration and the feeling of sianness from doing nothing, and having nothing to do, and with hardly anyone's (not totally nobody) companionship. i mean, i could have find pple and stuff... believe me, i did. maybe not enough, but i did try. and an interesting thought occurred to me, how the past 2 nights provided dinner, i was eating with the J1s, or pple whom are more acquaintances than friends. interesting. esp since they're lots of friends in drama, more than 10. *shrugs* maybe that says something about the friendships i have... or maybe as usual, i'm thinking too much and analysing too much. xp but somehow i guess i feel more comfortable with acquaintances than friends nowadays. it's just light-hearted talks, which sometimes i fail to get with friends. *shrugs* i guess i'm too self-conscious. haha. no one's fault, just something i got to work out on my own, and that's tough. XD
but really thank God man! at 5.30pm with Tina getting us to do exercises and stuff, the first 'work'/thing i did the whole day... things started to shape up for me. with me going about taking photos just becoz i was bored, and just so that maybe i can 'lament' (tat's what i felt like doing then in the restlessness i had) what others are doing in groups while i'm 'alone' by myself... things started to lighten up. haha. the exercises with Tina got me going, and laughing, esp the ball game. and taking photos of my prettily made-up classmates.. haha. the atmosphere on me lightened up.
just before the start of the drama night, as we were all kept 'locked' backstage since the doors have opened and the audience were streaming in, in my excitement, i went around wishing everyone 'all the best'. that was after the lady admin and I prayed together for the event. realising how nervous pple are becoming, despite my own non-nervousness (for whatever reason... i was so hyped up and excited after the boring restless afternoon)... i decided to encourage them.. so i went about wishing everyone i can find "all the best". that put me back where i belonged on my feet again. and i 随口说说 "i'm back, and i mean not literally." not really expecting anyone to pick that up. haha. i'm back, back to my usual self. back to the self of my that's cheerful and love encouraging others, and not the dark, self-centred side of me that seemed to come out a lot nowadays. xp haha. i prayed with yt and lin, as my custom be it for last year's drama night, and during major exams, like the O-levels. this round though, i dared not extend to the whole group becoz i guess i'm self-conscious of the happenings last week and past the last weekend. xp but i'll never forget how last year's drama night, i just extended the prayer invitation to the entire cast and crew of the eunuch play, and it's surprising to see how non-christians dont mind the prayer at such nervous times. :)
i'm glad for the first prayer with lady admin. it helped me get geared back into who i am within and out. =)
and praise God, despite the few glitches like the phone went dead while i was talking... haha... it was WONDERFULLY SPLENDID!!! haha. i got so happy, hyped up and all, that after my own play, i was running, leaping and jumping outside the LT. Whhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee................
haha. i'm thankful for such a wonderful ending, that took my mind off the tempting lies and the running-off-of-my-mind in the afternoon. I praise God that i'm ending off the day yesterday on such a great tone. Hallelujah!
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