Ignite 4 Him!

It's all very gracious of her. But then, i cant accept it. It's something i dun expect, even when i tried not to expect anything. I'd rather she be angry wif me, say how she feel, hurt me back or something. But such grace extended, i feel unworthy of. The guilt is then greater. The desire for self-afflicted punishment seemed necessary to pay for what i've done. I've wronged her, i've hurt her, i practically drove a knife right thru her heart, n all she has in response is "no worries. it's all over. :) " i cant comprehend it. I cant accept it. This act of grace is too much for me. I ought to b punished, slashed a million times, whipped till my heart so sore that i can hardly breathe. I have no face nor the courage to face you, n neither have i the magnanimity to forgive myself for hurting you. All very well that for months i felt awkward becoz i held a childish n petty grudge over something that wasnt anyone's fault but some minute matter of which i internally blew up, having finally let go of it thus reducing the awkwardness. N now, becoz of my latest actions that is now obvious n known, i created for myself another sphere of awkwardness tat is even harder to get rid of. Well done rachel. :( i soooo love u! :-x
03:36pm, Tue 29 Sep 2009