Gemma has left the Earthpack. Sheridania, the Alpha Female, felt the pain of losing a pack member to an outsider. Ultimately, Gemma has chosen to leave the pack and form her own with Melanthios. Sheridania whimpers as she watched Gemma disappear into the Forest with Melanthios. They looked great together, but she still could not help feeling the loss of one of her closer she-wolf sister in the Earthpack leaving. She has been missing the good times of hunting together with Gemma, playing together, and searching for their purpose in life together, and even more so now with her gone and away from the pack. However, Sheridania knew that she could not and should not stop Gemma from going off to find love. It's nature's arrangement, and a time will come when one by one, the wolves of this small pack will leave to form their own packs. She has no right, and also no heart, to hold Gemma back from following her heart, out of her love for this wolf sister of hers. Being the Alpha Female, she has to be strong, and thus the strong front of hers prevent her pack members, including Gemma, from knowing the stinging pain in her heart that she feels. She then turns towards Mpenzi for the love she lacks and envys, and for the strength she needs. No one else will be able to understand.
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As Gemma and Melanthios started builing their relationship up, Sheridania also began to feel uncomfortable in their presence as she fought with her jealousy and loss. In her dreams, she often snarled at them, and in the Windpack, when the pack hunts together, she tried avoiding to face Melanthios up front, and moved into the company of the other pack members. She missed talking to Melanthios, but the awkwardness she built up due to her inner fight of jealousy and loss built an unseen barrier. One cannot snarl at a wolf at one moment and run alongside with that same wolf the next. Although Gemma have left the Earthpack, Melanthios still often run with the Windpack. Sheridania have been trying to deal with her wolfship with Melanthios, and now, it seems that there is some success. She wishes she can be like before, to freely run alongside Melanthios in the Windpack as they used to do sometimes before Melanthios started seeing Gemma.
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While fighting with the emotions she faced when seeing Gemma and Melanthios together, Sheridania have also been distracted for the past moon season by a he-wolf. Astrophel has started to make his presence more prominent with each passing of the moon. Astrophel and Sheridania has started to have more runs in the forest together, and sometimes, Astrophel was even willing to play with her in the Mountains. Sheridania welcomed the distraction and enjoyed the times when the two will just sit beside each other at night, side by side. Sometimes she wishes so much to rub her head against his muscular shoulders, but she always held back. Astrophel was sweet and sometimes tempted her in his wild play. He is one of the wildest and adventurous wolf she has ever known, but that is what intrigued her and interest her at times. Not forgetting his sweetness either. All she-wolves love some attention at times.
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[The Searchers ~ Kader]

"For wounds to heal, you have to wait for them to reopen then I can apply these healing leaves on them. You will feel extreme pain but it is the only way for these wounds to heal completely."

Sheridania do not know what to make out of Budhee's words. In the first place, wolves do not usually get hurt so badly, and wounds heal by themselves. That's nature. But she remembers the wolf sayings of the aged ones, to listen and obey the voices of the wolf spirits - Budhee, Mpenzi, and Sindikiza. As Sindikiza guides and leads a wolf's tracks, and Mpenzi brings strength and love even in the icyness of the blizzard, so does Budhee heals, provides and watches over all wolves. Budhee knows better about healing the wounds heavily inflicted on Sheridania than anyone else would.

Will Sheridania trust Budhee? Medication on open wounds stings worse than the pains inflicted by the wounds. Will Sheridania choose to run to Budhee for healing when the wounds reopen, or once again run away to hide and lick the wounds, only hardening it temporary, and slightly but barely easing the pain? Yes, wolves may look ferocious and strong on the outside. But they have their fears too.
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Not many wolves still believe in the wolf spirits, and respect and marvel at them as the wolf ancestors used to. Thus, the divide between the wolves of the forest and the wolves of the mountain. The wolves of the mountain often seek the spirits' help, while the wolves of the forest have turned their backs on the spirits, snarling at any mention; some laughing at these "fantasy and childishness" of the mountain wolves and thus left them to dwell in the forest, or got chased out of the pack and mountain territories, which they once called home. Many have gone, some have returned. The mountain wolves will always live with the provision and protection of Budhee, the love and strength of Mpenzi, and the guidance and comfort of Sindikiza. The forest wolves will always live by themselves, struggling to survive and defend themselves in the wilderness unless they choose to return. We are still brothers, both the mountain wolves and the forest wolves, but disagreements and differences will still exist as we have divided loyalties. Remember that my dear child and do not choose to permanently stay in the forest. Do not abandon the spirits. Do not grieve the spirits as many of our brothers have already done.

The Alpha Female of one of the Mountain packs once told Sheridania this, when she was a small puppy, about the history of the Mountain packs. Sitting on the High Rock, which oversees the Forest and some parts of the Mountain., she sat there and thought about this familiar story, and she felt heavy in the heart. Wolves ought not to be separated. What is the truth? What is the path a wolf should take for his or her life?
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[The Searchers ~ Kader]

I wish I can wipe away the memory of me in everybody's mind. That way I can live through the pain myself and never have to worry that that may affect others when they realise what I'm going through. I wish I can wipe away the memory of me in everybody's mind. That way I will not have any expectations of people I know. I wish I have never tasted the goodness of friendships. That way I will not feel the loss I am feeling right now. I wish I have never loved. That way I will not feel the struggle of continuing to love while going through loss. I wish... I do not know what to wish anymore. From being a wishful girl I have becomed a confused girl.

--Diary of a Wishful Girl--

wow..i dint know that there's a sad part of this diary. But that only makes this girl human i guess. Thanks for sharing.

I had a dream. We were sitting beside each other on the couch and as habit sometimes, I lay my arm on it. You took it instead and let it rest across your shoulders, resting your head on it as you moved closer towards me. My fingers lovingly played with your ear. I looked at your shoulder and I was very tempted to give in and lean on it, feeling the warmth and comfort of this proximity. Then I woke up and realised it was all just a dream. If only... ...

--Diary of a Wishful Girl--

Gracefulness. Gentleness. I feel like dancing, dancing with you in the moonlight. Let the wind lead us. Let the music of nature guide our steps. Come. Won't you take my hand and lead me to dance with you? Let's dance through the night till our feet cry out for mercy and then lie in each other's embrace, relaxing and enjoying the rest of the night. But first, let us dance as if there is no tomorrow. Won't you take my hand?

-- Diary of a Wishful Girl --

A wolf never howls in the day. But the sun was up, and something rose in sheridania's throat. It was tearing inside her, as she half-fought it in. Then, she look around, no one. She threw her head back n open her muzzle... Soft n slow, out came a howl. It was daylight. She let two howls that was tearing within her before quickly trotting back behind trees before she gets caught. Wolves do not howl in the day, not in this area anyway.
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[The Searchers ~ Kader]

Sheridania howls. Her howls echoed through the night, but no one heard her mournful cry. When she had exhausted herself, she lay there in a daze, staring into the moonless dark sky. There seemed no array of hope. After lying there tired and unsure for some time, she remembers the slate where the moonlight never leaves. She trotted over, in the darkness that engulfs her, but her sure-footed feet guided her down the familiar path to her secret place - the slate where the moonlight never leaves. There he was. Budhee was there, like she expected him to be. The warmth in his eyes sent the message to her without needing a bark of welcome/approval. Sheridania rubbed her head against Budhee's chest, feeling the comfort and warmth. As Budhee groomed her, Sheridania felt her strength returning. Budhee reminded her that even when the moon is covered up by the clouds, he will be here, at the slate where the moonlight never leaves, where there's always hope - Tumaini.
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[The Searchers ~ Kader]

Two jumatano ago, in the gleam of the sun's rays, Sheridania watches as her close she-wolf sister from the Earthpack was frolicking with a he-wolf, whom she knows, from the Windpack. Sheridania is part of both packs, and her eyes narrowed as she watched from the darkness of the forest Gemma and Melanthios looking so close, so happy, so contended with each other as they were frolicking in the open area of the forest in the beauty of the sun's warm rays. They were so engaged with each other that they hardly realised Sheridania was there, watching them.
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Sheridania was in the forest clearing two jumas ago, enjoying the company of the younger she-wolves. The cubs surrounded her, playing with her. Excited, playful and happy barks were heard from that clearing as Sheridania played with the younger ones. She was quite contended with this company.
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The ijumaa before the last was a full-moon night. Sheridania went to the High Rock of the mountain. She looked at the moon with longing and heaviness. She threw her head back and gave a long, loud shrilling howwwwl through the silence of the night. Somehow, up in the mountains where she was, a he-wolf heard. Anaru responded, howling and barking back, arranging to meet Sheridania at the mountain's RiverStrong, where the current was too strong for any animal to swim across, becoming nature's barrier. So barred by RiverStrong, Anaru on one side and Sheridania on the other, they walked down the river bank, each on one side, in the moonlit night, as Anaru comforted her and advised her as she poured out her feelings to him. She gained comfort, warmth and strength, even if it was from beyond RiverStrong.
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From the High Rock, Sheridania looked down, where she could see the he-wolves, one frolicking with her Earthpack sister, another by the brook lapping the water, another moving from a she-wolf to another, and many other he-wolves roaming the forest and the mountain. She looked at them, with longing in her eyes, and deep within something stirred and cried out. She tossed her head back and howled.

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[The Searchers ~ Kader]

Sheridania, the strong and sturdy she-wolf. One who is part of many packs. Sometimes a leader, sometimes just being part of a pack. She is a survivor.
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Two jumanne ago, on a still, moonlit night, Sheridania walked down the brook from the forest towards the mountain. She was not alone. A he-wolf walked with her. Dear Astrophel made her night walk so enjoyable with his companionship that also comforted her. Sheridania so wished to rub her head against his shoulders. But the comfort that is felt from his presence as they walked closely, over stones and pebbles till she got to the boundary where the mountain, her home, laid was enough. He offered his companionship all the way to the boundary where after she left, he walked back to the forest. Sheridania sighed. Wolves of the mountain and wolves of the forest will always have their differences. They are where they belong, and few wolves are willing to permantly move to the other territory.
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[The Searchers ~ Kader]